


how Momota stole christmas

by amaryllises



Category: New Dangan Ronpa V3: Everyone's New Semester of Killing
Genre: Alternate Universe - Non-Despair (Dangan Ronpa), Christmas, F/M, Fluff, Semi-Crack
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-12-25
Updated: 2017-12-25
Packaged: 2019-02-20 15:01:07
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,973
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13149129
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/amaryllises/pseuds/amaryllises
Summary: Harukawa doesn't know who Santa is.





	how Momota stole christmas

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Cleokat](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Cleokat/gifts).



> literally only for cleo because i said one thing

It’s two weeks before Christmas, but the classroom is already decorated with streamers and various christmas lights, all adorning the walls that were once filled with historical fun facts. Hell, there’s even a mistletoe and mini-Christmas tree on top of a golden sleigh in the back right corner of the classroom.

 

Momota sits in his assigned desk, its legs already wrapped with tinsel, and eagerly waits for his classmates to arrive. 

 

Toujou arrives first, and she glances at Momota with a shocked expression on her face. “Momota-kun, I did not expect you to be this early.”

 

“I’m always this early!” 

 

“You are usually twenty minutes tardy,” Toujou notes. “But this is fine, I suppose.” 

 

One by one, they file in at a time. 

 

The fifth person is Harukawa, who slides in the desk next to him smoothly, her binder already clutched in her arms. She places her school bag on the ground.

 

“Hey, Harumaki!” 

 

Harukawa mumbles a greeting back, opening her binder and pulling out a worksheet.

 

“I can’t wait for winter break!” he cheers, and across the classroom, Hoshi shoots daggers at him. 

 

“Me too, I guess,” Harukawa absentmindedly replies, dragging her pencil across her homework in a last attempt to finish it. “There is no work over break.”

 

“Yeah, but Christmas is so fun, isn’t it, Harumaki?” Momota gushes, bouncing his leg like a little kid. “Right? Right?”

 

“... I don’t celebrate it, Momota,” Harukawa sighs. 

 

“Kwanzaa? Hanukkah? C’mon, you  _ gotta _ be excited for winter break!” he presses.

 

“In the orphanage, we never really bothered with those kind of things,” she chews her lip, staring intently at her work, “we were more focused on other things.”

 

“Oh… but haven’t you celebrated  _ some _ things? Like gettin’ gifts from Santa?”

 

Harukawa’s face flushes, and she stares down.

 

“Hello? Harumaki?” 

 

She — quietly; Momota can barely hear her over the clammer of his fellow classmates — says, “we didn’t necessarily get gifts; we got rations.” Harukawa pauses, and rakes her fingers through a pigtail. Her face turns even more red, and she puffs out her cheeks. “And I… er… I don’t know who Santa is.”

 

“What? Holy shit!” Momota exclaims.

 

“Not so loud,” she hisses, when everyone turns to their direction. 

 

“You don’t know who Santa is? Santa Claus? Saint Nicholas Cage?” Momota whispers intensely, trying his very best to conceal his expression of surprise. 

 

“I already said before: I don’t.” Harukawa’s face is still as bright red. She tilts her head to the side, looking around. She leans in, saying, “if I may ask… who is he?”

 

“Oh?” Momota rubs his hands together, and pretends to be in deep thought. It was his time to shine. He was no Ouma Kokichi, but he _ could _ fuck around as much as he liked. “Santa is a… Santa is a fuckin’  _ warrior _ who fights demons every Christmas with his elf sidekick.”

 

“Demons are not real,” Harukawa remarks bluntly.

 

“Yeah… well —  _ duh!  _ You can thank Santa for that!” Momota scoffs.

 

“Of course,” she replies, exasperated.

 

“Ever hear the legend where Santa only drops off presents to good kids? Well, that’s the kid friendly version! Like  _ I  _ said, Santa defeats darkness, ridin’ in the night in his gold-plated sleigh!”

 

“I find that version much more easier to believe.”

 

“Well — okay, I’ll find Santa for you! The badass one, not the fuckin’ weak version! He could conquer the world, Harumaki, but he chooses not to, out of the kindness of his heart!” Momota bluffs.

 

“Okay, do it.” 

 

“He could- huh?” he stops dead in his tracks, looking at Harukawa with amazement, “what?”

 

“If Santa is really the warrior you present him as, show me him,” Harukawa enunciates, as if she were speaking to a little kid — well, she  _ was _ the SHSL Child Caretaker — pencil still grasped tightly in hand. “You have until Christmas.”

 

“Two weeks?”

 

“Sure. I don’t care.”

 

“Alright! I’ll fuckin’ find Santa, and he’s gonna kick some ass!”

 

“For the love of God, Momota, shut up.”

*****

Momota needs his plan to be a success, no matter how fucking complicated and unnecessary it was. First thing he needed: an elf recruitee, to be his sidekick. But who would be small enough and willing?

 

He finds himself in front of Hoshi’s dorm — 80-F, right next to Harukawa’s — and rings the doorbell nervously.

 

The door creaks open, just a sliver. Hoshi answers, a strange beanie covering his shaved head, ducking his head out of the crack. He glares at Momota. “What?”

 

“Hey… Hey Hoshi! Nice… nice hat! Haha…” Momota rubs the back of his neck. “Um… super cool hat… I wonder if… uh…” 

 

“What do you need? It’s two in the goddamn morning.”

 

“Just wondering… if you could… er… help me with something,” Momota says, more cautiously than he usually would. 

 

“Did Iruma make you do this?”

 

“Huh?”

 

“Yesterday, she tried to get Saihara to make me come to her room so she could shove me into a ‘midget robot suit,” Hoshi explains. 

 

“Oh… well,” Momota laughs, “it’s none of that! I just want your help!”

 

“You’ve said that thrice.”

 

Momota shrugs it off. “Whatever! So, Harumaki doesn’t know who the fuck Santa is, and I’m tryin’ to surprise her! I told her Santa had a sidekick elf, and-”

 

“You want me to be the elf?” Hoshi asks, incredulous. 

 

“Yes. Can you?” Momota pleads.

 

“I would rather go back to prison,” Hoshi replies. He starts closing the door, but Momota intercepts him.

 

“Wait! Uh… I’ll do a favor! Anything you want, as long as it ain’t weird!”

 

“Hm,” Hoshi places his finger on his chin.

 

“Hm?”

 

“I’ll think about it.”

 

“Really?” 

 

“Yes. Now go away.” He slams the door shut.

*****

The next person is Iruma, which would be… something. Momota carefully crept his way over to her dorm, and tries to listen in.

 

Surely enough, there was a weird chorus of drawn out… moans, or something uncomfortable like that. 

 

Momota presses the doorbell, and waited.

 

Iruma appeares, dressed in her school uniform, drenched in oil. She wrinkles her nose when she sees Momota. “The fuck? I thought the moans would get people out.”

 

“I need help-”

 

“Oh, do you want to fuck me?” Iruma laughs, bellowing and loud. “Shit, I didn’t think you were the type of person to go after people with tits!”

 

“You-”

 

“Of course, not that I can help it! I was born so fucking perfect and beautiful… Guess ya just want someone like me, right?”

 

“Iruma, I just need some fuckin’ help!” Momota yells back.

 

Her face turns timid and frightful. “O-oh… I mean… i-if you really want to… I could…”

 

“No, I need you to make something for me!”

 

Iruma’s expression turns into something of glee and delight. “Ah, so you want to ask the golden-brained girl genius for shit, right? A sex toy? Haha! Well, you gotta get on your cuck knees, and beg!”

 

He clenches his fist, more in frustration than anger. “Could you make me a sword?”

 

“A  _ dildo? _ ”

 

“No, a sword! Y'know, the things knights hold and swing around and kill people with?” Momota’s frustrations only grow.

 

“Idiot, there’s literally a blacksmith in the year above us! Why are you asking me? Maybe… you do want some?” 

 

“He’s-” Momota breathes heavily, “he’s scary.”

 

“Momota, ya fuckin’ pussy!” Iruma chortles. “Tell you what… I’ll help you, if you say you’re a pussy!”

 

“Seriously, that’s not fuckin’ necessary at all!”

 

A blush envelopes Iruma’s face. “O-oh… guess you don’t want help, after all…” She toys around with a strand of hair.

 

“I’m a fuckin’ pussy! Ya happy?” Momota yells.

 

“ ‘Course!” Iruma bellows. “I’ll get on it right away! Do ya just want any sword?”

 

“Yeah!” 

 

“Alright! Bye, virgins!”

*****

It’s easy to differentiate Shirogane’s room from everyone else’s as her door was covered, head to toe, in vocaloid posters. 

 

It gives off a terrifying aura. Momota gulps as he approaches her dorm, careful not to make any sudden noises that could give him away.

 

He rings the doorbell for the third time that night, and an energetic Shirogane pops out. No, not energetic-  _ angry _ .

 

“Momota-kun! What are you doing up so late? You interrupted my fourth rewatching of Naruto!” Shirogane huffs. She’s wearing a strange black bandana with an insignia tied around her head, but Momota chooses to ignore it- for now. 

He goes straight to the point; fucking around with Hoshi and Iruma just wasted time. Besides, he checked his phone, and it was five in the morning.“Could you make me a Santa costume? But with sick fuckin’ armor? And an elf costume too.”

 

Shirogane’s eyes narrow. “Why?”

 

“Er… it’s a surprise!”

 

“ _ Why _ ? You dare interrupt my anime and not tell me?”

 

“I’m surprising Harumaki! Ya happy?”

 

“Oh, a ship?” Shirogane says dreamily, clutching a long pillow — was that a picture of an anime character? — to her chest. “I’ll do it!”

 

“Really? Th-”

 

“But for a cost,” Shirogane’s eyes darken. “I get to cosplay you whenever I want! Doesn’t matter how embarrassing or weird the costume is!”

 

“... Ya know what? Fine. Do it. I don’t give a shit,” Momota sighs. “Just make the fuckin’ costumes, alright?”

 

Her eyes brighten with excitement. “Will do!” And with that, the SHSL Cosplayer slinks back into her dorm.

*****

“How did you get into the classroom?” Hoshi whispers, ducked by the door near the front. He’s dressed in his well made, but obnoxiously bright elf costume.

 

“Just asked Amami to ask Ouma,” Momota shrugs in response, “it’s more easy than you think.”

 

“Right, I forgot he was insane,” Hoshi mumbles. “How will Harukawa come in? It’s a holiday, ya know.”

 

“Ouma made a fuckin’ letter. Harumaki should be coming here shortly.” He glances at the clock, near eight. Perfect. She always arrived at eight sharp for school, never earlier, never later. “In fact…” 

 

The door slams open violently, and Momota can see Harukawa cautiously step in.

 

“Ha! I am Santa!” Momota yells melodramatically, jumping from his hiding position. “And this is my elf: … uh…  my elf, Noshi!” He shakes his foam sword around.

 

“Beware. I am… Noshi,” Hoshi says apathetically. “I kill… I kill… uh…” He ducks down, and whispers, “Momota, what do I kill?”

 

“He kills demons! Like me!” Momota laughs. “Wait, I mean- I’m not a demon, I kill demons too! Haha!” He flourishes his sword. “Beware, fuckin’ mortal!”

 

“What the fuck?” Harukawa says quietly. “Hoshi, did Momota loop you into his dumb thing?”

 

“Obviously. Guess I’ll take my leave now.” Hoshi throws his elf hat off, twirling it around his finger. He exits the classroom.

 

“Momota-”

 

“No! I’m Santa Claus!” He gestures wildly to the classroom door. “That man — elf — there is a traitor! We should fuckin’ capture him!” 

 

“Momota, I know what Santa is.”

 

“For I- Wait, what?”

 

“I know what Santa is. I was messing around with you,” Harukawa sighs. “I didn’t think you were  _ this _ stupid.”

 

“... shit.”

 

“This is possibly the only time I’ve ever pranked someone for that long.”

 

“No, I let Shirogane cosplay me as anything she fuckin’ liked,” Momota groans. “It was all for nothing?”

 

“Yeah.”

 

“Damn. Can’t be that bad, right? Well, I got you a Christmas present anyways!” he whistles, casually walking over to the sleigh. 

 

Harukawa follows him. “You really didn’t need to-”

 

“Nonsense, like Toujou says! Merry fuckin’ Christmas!” Momota plucks a small black box from inside the sleigh, and places it in her hand. 

 

She opens the box slowly, as if expecting something to pop up. Harukawa seems pleasantly surprised. “Thank you.”

 

Inside the box is a pair of silver earrings, shaped like an odd rose, with a dark red center.

 

Momota looks around awkwardly. “Mistletoe,” he realizes. “I… er… should go…” 

 

Harukawa stands on her toes and kisses his cheek. “Sure.”

 

Santa, Santa Claus, Saint Nicolas Cage, or Momota Kaito sprints out of the classroom to fight some demons, his face red from the cold.

**Author's Note:**

> merry christmas, this is awful
> 
> also i wrote this in 4 hours because i just remembered it was christmas so grammar who is she?


End file.
